Hello all so I wrote this on a previous blog at the beginning of the year and I would just like to share it again.
Happy New Year!! I know I’m a couple of weeks late, but to me it’s a new year until January’s over…. then it’s just another year. And speaking of years, 2016 was one heck of a ride, and I usually don’t say that. I see every year as a new journey and very difficult moments as a learning experience. However, 2016 was a very unique year, during the spring semester I had very high hopes for what the year would lead to, many adventures planned, maybe a boy in the near future… 2016 was going to be my year, then it started getting close to summer, my heart was broken and I just needed to get away, so I went to camp and came back rejuvenated. I was on fire for the Lord and I could not wait to start spreading the gospel. I was more involved in my sorority and knew that the fall semester was going to be the greatest semester of all time! I was so pumped! And then reality hit. My dad without a word stopped paying my bills, and neglected to sign as my guarantor, so not only did I not have a place to live, but I also could not get a job to pay for my bills that were beginning to pile up. But I still had hope! I devoted my whole summer to the Lord! He has to bless me for that! Right?! but as the days went on, I barley made it by, I was failing my classes and stressing over money, and I even made a decision to to change schools and start fresh hoping that that was what the Lord wanted. Yet money and grades weren’t the part that made that semester so difficult, oh no, I have been living with money problems for the past 11 years, and I’ve seen God work, so that part was not what tore me down and had me on my knees crying out to the Lord. It was the fact that I felt so distant from him, the fact that whenever I called out all I heard was silence. This is something that I’ve never exsperienced before in my life. And because of it I felt so empty, yet I never gave up in trying to find him again, so I continued my quiet times, and continued to go to church and have indepth conversations about the bible with close friends and I continued to seek him, and yet I still felt so far away from him and I did not know how to get back. My Mom defined my name as Joyful, and I always had that joy because of the Lord, through the thick and thin with him I was able to smile on, and yet durung this time I began to get depressed and had very few joyful moments, of course I faked a smile and never told anyone what I was going through, and yet all the while I would be sinking deeper and deeper into loneliness. So when the semester was finally over I went home for the first time in months, and was able to somewhat reenergize, but even though I was able to catch up on my sleep and was able to look for a job. I still felt the burden of the semester on my shoulders and i still heard silence from the Lord. After weeks of sending in job applications and not hearing back from any of them I began to loose hope in 2017 as well, I was registered in classes that depressed me just thinking about, and I was not happy with the degree that I had chosen, I thought that it was normal to not like the classes that I was in and that I’m not suppose to look forward to my future career, that money was all that mattered and I was suppose to do what I could inorder to have that promising future. And then one day I saw that that was a lie from the devil, I had just checked my grades and realized that I made an F in one of the classes that went towards the appliction for my program, knowing that I would not be able to retake the class at my current college I was fed up. I was talking to my best friend and she was telling me about the jobs she was hoping to apply for after graduation and how much she loved her classes and right then I realized that God has put us on this earth to use the gifts that he gave us and that the desires of our hearts are the desires of his as well. So I pushed aside the fact that I needed to get a degree that would please my dad and that I thought would give me happiness in the future, and began to seek a degree that I could use with the gifts that God gave me. So with the help of my bestie, I changed my major. And felt a glimpse of God’s love for the first time in months. and yet money was still a problem, and then one day I was idling scrolling through facebook and came across a job Ad for a bookstore in San Marcos, which I found strange because Facebook usually shows you ads from places according to you’re current location, so I filled out the application and prayed over it, and right after one of my friends from camp sent our group a text message that changed my whole perspective on the whole semester. She said that being a disciple isn’t suppose to be easy that we should exspect satan to try to take away that fire to put doubts in our heads that God doesn’t care about what we do for him, and like Job the Lord allows for him to tell us those lies, but its up to us to see the truth. So long story short what I’ve gotten from 2016 was an amazing year, a year where I realized that every year is given to us as a lesson, and it is up to us to see those troubles as learning experience. What I learned was that although it’s a new year does not mean that my trials are over yet, but that also doesn’t mean that I have to accept defeat, that now I can see hope through the storm and I know that I am never alone.
Good vibes Ya’ll and God Bless
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